Big City Living
15 Feb 2021My cousin who grew up next door to me is moving to the Big Apple and asked if I had any advice on living in a big city.
My first thought was yee-gads what has it come to that people are asking me for advice.
But the question stuck with me and I do have some thoughts on the matter so I figured I’d try to write some of them down.
So here are some things I’ve learned about living in a big city.
tl;dr: there are no new thoughts here, all of this has been written about before and it’s probably not news to you.
Time takes time, you know?
Living anywhere is hard, and getting used to a new place is even harder. All that stuff you do to relax and take it easy back home? All of that is new and hard again!
If you like to go to the movies, where do you go? What’s a good theater/bad theater? Where’s the good place to go for a bite before/after.
Give yourself time to figure all these baseline quality of life problems out before making any judgements about a place.
Another thing that’s especially true if you’re moving to a world famous city. It’s easy to put pressure on yourself to get out and see the sights, take advantage of living in a great new place and explore all it has to offer.
But here’s the thing, if you moved for work and have already started your job, all that stuff can just be an overwhelming burden. It’s a lot of pressure that you don’t really need to put on yourself. You live here now, you’ve got all the time in the world to explore. Give yourself license to take the weekend off and just sit and watch Netflix.
Location, location, location, is a very personal thing
I get that this is like the oldest advice there is but it’s so so important. Figure out what you like and make sure it’s accessible.
If you like living near greenspace, make sure it’s easily accessible. If you like moving around the city a lot, make sure your place has good train connections.
Find a neighborhood you like and give yourself license to stay there. This one ties right in to the last one, even if you live in a world class city give yourself a break and explore it in your own time. If you find the right neighborhood for you it’s likely got everything you need right there. It’s okay to stay there. You (hopefully) chose this place for a reason. You don’t need to be trekking across town to check out some famous thing every weekend.
Just because a part of the city is famous doesn’t mean it’s right for you. I live in LA, in East LA, I wouldn’t live in Venice or Downtown because I like the hill views and neighborhood vibes on the east side.
Yes, there are a lot of people around
No, no one is paying attention to you.
This can be a big thing for someone coming from a rural environment. Being around so many people it can feel like you have a lot of eyes on you and at the same time it’s hard to meet people and make new friends. It can be super easy to feel like you’re swimming up stream.
So far my experience has been that nobody is giving me half as much attention as I think they are. Just do what you need to do to get where you’re going and expect everyone else to be doing the same.
Conversely, if I need help, there’s always someone that can help. Just don’t try to ask someone rushing to catch their train or bus. Instead, find the information desk and ask there.
Find your people
Find a community to fit into. Nothing can make you feel more at home than having a routine, like meeting friends for brunch on Sundays or a regular game nights, someone to meet you at the park, someone who invites you to dinner (obviously post pandemic).
Plus, what better way to get to know a place than from recommendations from people who already know the place? Learn from their experience of horrible pizza from the corner shop, skip to the good stuff.
They can also help with all the other things on this list.
For me it was easiest to find meetups for programming languages I work in but there’s something like that for everyone. And if you’re in a big city, if it exists you can bet it exists in your new home in some way or another.
Anyways, these are my thoughts on living in a big city as someone coming from rural America. I’m excited to have family in another cool place so that I have a reason to visit.